How much we cost in the marriage market?
Information for deep thinking
I find an interesting the article: "The person as goods and the buyer in the sexual and marriage market". I understand, that not everybody have time to read all of this, thats why I want to offer some important parts. I think, they can be very helpful for our restless ladies to understand, with what society can be controlled besides all sorts of different feelings. Especially, during the era of appeared capitalism. As an option, let's reject for a while emotions and conversations about love and try to look at this situation with other eyes. And at least we will try to think alternatively. I dont want to offend anyone by this article, just to help to understand life situations which actually in many ways are very similar.
"…We are living in society and same time in the market. On this market there is a wide range of persons of the opposite sex is presented. Each individual wants to create their relations with a special partner in a better way, but not with first one… Deep in our soul every person dreams of "the high-quality partner". “The high-quality partners” are in demand among persons of same qualitative, but also among persons with low qualitative. The most qualitative partners will be never enough for everybody who wants it. In itself the more "expensive" partner can make a deal with "cheaper" partner, but only in case the last one will pay a difference in price.
I. Factors of personal value (determine "cost" of the partner in the marriage market):
1. External data (including age)
2. Character traits, soul, and intellect.
3. Social status, belonging to any socio-cultural class, status in society, existence of certain bonds, circles of communication.
4. Potential (this factor is lower when the age is higher).
II. Surcharge factors (to compensate "difference in cost"):
1. Personal property and/or their equivalent in money. The property , that was partially or completely transferred for using.
2. The accepted obligations. The obligation of "cheaper side" to make payments to "expensive side" in the form of material values or behavioral or sincere acts systematically or periodically (like this: to forgive, to suffer, to look in eyes, to understand, do not to contradict etc.)
III. Factors of advertising, trade and speculation. All above-mentioned has not only to be available or potential, but also is skillfully presented and sold.
1. Introduction of yourself as a commodity on the market (passive).
2. Actively propose themselves for potential partners (acquaintance).
3. Improvement of a trade face by means of clothes, cosmetics, prestigious household items.
4. Overpricing and deception of potential buyer about own qualities as a commodity.
As we wrote above, each Partner-A in an ideal would like to choose the best Partner-B from everything existing in a "trade flow". However if he/she wasnt born yesterday (already has life experience and, besides, adequately perceives social reality and own place in it), objectively sees in how much it is usually estimated by an opposite sex, and doesn't wait for miracles, then it is possible to tell: this person already knows his/her own price (on market). And so, only the early teenager is able to afford to fall in love with the prettiest girl at school and thus not to understand why she automatically doesnt fall in love with him.
- How it is possible, - he will sincerely ask, - for her to fall in love with me isnt enough that I love her?
The average adult person (already hurt by bad experience of fiascos), most likely, will dare to fall in love with the partner approximately the same level of “cost” or maybe a little bit higher. My dear friend, how much hopes, dreams and fiascos you will have in future until a time to understand your price on our market. There is ahead still a lot of self-restriction, persistent and long work which is directed on improving itself to raise the price. But don't get a wrong impression even if you will work with all 100% whole world cannot be near your feet. You can improve yourself as long as you want, but everybody has own an individual level, a development limit. And in your case you will be very lucky if you are not reached yet.
Gradually you will learn that it is possible not to fall in love with everyone. You will lose hopes, positions and, after all you will return to the necessary principle of a choosing a partner. And then you will stop your choice on the one who will agree to choose you. And certainly you will try to forget, force out from your memory and life the one whom you would like to choose actually …
Thats all will happen to you (years of hopes and disappointments), in scientific psychology is called as formation of an adequate self-assessment, and as a result - adequate level of claims. Also it will be very good if you appeared in the first ten and didn't know problems of people who are less successful. Together with a growing time will come changes of the principles choosing a partner with wished to the necessary. It is a special case of changes from the principle of pleasure to the principle of reality. It testifies to successful socialization.
Level of an adequate self-assessment and level of claims can be easily diagnosed by making analysis of the quickness in the transaction (or deals).
The love in our terminology (as a relation) is high (or overestimated in comparison with market) value judgment of the partner by other partner. And very strong love (big, real) is the highest... value judgment of beloved by other person who loves it. And in a latter case the objective and market prices of beloved isn't important for the loving person, because he/she loves and appreciates beloved person with all 100% of soul. For the partner who loves truly, the price of his darling isn't important. As more real and strongly you love, as more you are ready to pay. The person who loves, is very interested in the union with beloved, he need it, he wants to have his darling… He wants to be with him, to learn a meaning of the life together, wants to have it as property, wants to use it or to care about it, but he wants… And in that case loving person is absolutely blind and defenseless.
Nobody knows how his elect (object of love) will react to his confession.
The next options are possible:
a) If yours elected person has a same feelings as you - he can agree on the contract. Both sides will appreciate each other with all 100% - and full idyll! (Unfortunately, in the nature and society, such meetings are very rarely, still less than in art).
b) Your object of love will try correctly and honestly explain to you that it doesnt have same strong feeling and, therefore, doesn't see prospect of continue the relationship. Such event will be a deep tragedy for the lover, but it is a lot smaller, than in the next case.
c) The object of love will understand that you are absolutely not from his dream, but it can use your feelings and conclude a bargain on very favorable terms for it. And after that, the object of your feelings will starts raising price, by showing how much lower it estimates the person who fell in love with it, in a one word - to speculate. It will check the power of your love. He wants to learn, in what limits it is possible to deceive loving, what surcharge it is possible to demand. How he can get maximum benefit from deal?
You may agree with me, when the person is seriously in love (loves), he/she very highly (expensively) appreciates object of love and they are honestly ready to pay the high price for being together. And, when you are in love, you cannot think about possibility that the object of your love can use you and abuse (to conclude the bargain on such price which is much higher that on market). And even if both sides of big and pure love understand sense of the auction (which occur between them in the course of preparation or courting) they agree on the deal. That side, which loves truly and ready at all casualties and humiliations, still wants to be with beloved person. And other side, which understands insincerity of own feelings, agrees for deal only because of surcharge factors. The first side, in this case, can feel strong sufferings, but both sides will get what they wanted."